She had a sort of detachment from the world, like most abusers of drugs does. The difference was that hers was a beautiful sort of detachment, unlike those drug abusers, their reality is a cold, biting, their salvation lies in the next hypodermic needle. She could remain in a constant state of high, drawing things beyond our comprehension, often delvulging deep dark secrets in the most comical ways, or should I put it a tragicomical way. It was something I learnt as incongruence, where the pieces of reality do not fit in exactly, like there were loop holes hidden in some places, which if we were to fall into one of it, we would find ourselves going astray from our own comfortable routines. She always had a knack for displaying such incongruences. I always wondered if this sort of detachment was like a subconscious self protection mechanism, keeping her safe from what the sardonic world has to offer, the ruthless, unrelenting cutthroat world which she had unknowingly wandered into with the crowds.The world she had so hated, a closet rebel, an archanist hidden within the crowds, one day she will come out and wreck havoc and take the world by storm, at least that is what my romantized idea of how she will turn out, but for now, unfortunately, I think she conforms, just like how everyone eventually will. No one strays from the pack and makes it, just like how no man is an island, but I just feel it is a fucking shame, that is all.

  Last night I had a dream, we had a bad fight, it was really bad, i called you all the names and assumed the worst of you, which I have always refrained myself from doing, until last night when things got out of hand. Your tongue was like an acid lash, whipping me over mercilessly, we were shouting our heads and it was 3am in the morning. So much bottled up feelings, infidelity, cheating, lies and decit, it was like as if a sudden transformation had taken place and I had completely lost track of you, you were not the girl I once knew, perhaps, this alter ego had been living with you all along and I have just been to blind to see through it. I was gripped by a sudden fear of how much you have already slipped away from me, a fear I cannot explain, a sudden feeling of incompetence and incapacity to see the flip side of the wicked you. How you could be so callous and heartless, and I been so naive. When i awoke, i thought it was just a dream, everything would be okay, somehow i just couldn't be entirely sure,

  The lights were harsh at night, i think the dark skies must have exacerbated it. The orange lights painted a certain ethereal quality to the streets at night, it was quite beautiful actually. My head was throbbing badly, clutching on to my bag, i slowly trudged my way home. At such a unearthly hour, there was quite a number of people, insomniacs, party people and the graveyard shift. I passed each of them, briefly perusing them then looking away, for you do not know what might happen at night when people do not sleep enough. Most of them were queer folks, just walking around like zombies. I stopped by Macdonalds to get something to eat, hoping the food would neutralise the after effects of the alcohol but as soon as the smell of food wafted into my nostrils, i was hit by a strong nausea. I got a drink and paced quickly out of the fast food joint. Outside,stomach started to churn really badly, i took a seat by the sidewalks, the stillness and silence was so loud I just had to get out of the place. Picking myself up, i took a walk home quite in agony. On my way home, i dialed my friend's number, she was still half awake, I could barely make out what she was saying and she hung up. All i wanted to say how happy I was with my life now, I couldn't ask for more and if i was to die, i would have died a contended person. It was a rare sort of peace with self that I could not really explain. The pureness of the joy, i did not know where did it stem from, I haven't accomplished anything, I did not win some prize from a lucky draw but I just felt happy, trust me it was not the alcohol clouding my senses. There was a sort of unbearable lightness of being as I walked home, although it was a agonizing walk, but it was one i did with a smile upon my face. I got home and slipped quietly under the cover of my bed and fell into a dreamless sleep.